How can I feel so happy, so appreciative of everything in my life, and just so incredibly stressed out about everything at the same time?
If you’ve managed to come this far in life without watching Cool World, I suggest you keep it up. Unless you’re on lots of drugs.
But have nobody to be needy to. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, brain. What are you even. I’m not breathing right.
Anxious about nothing, trying to stay in a good place. I am currently jealous of an 11 year old boy because he is hogging my nephew. I JUST WANT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND GO PLAY MINI GOLF WITH HIM, OKAY?
Oh, please! Any day.
So I thought my gender issues were a relatively recent thing, but I think maybe I’ve been subconsciously aware of it for most of my life (if I’m interpreting things correctly).
I was thinking about dreams and metaphors earlier today, and thinking back to childhood dreams/nightmares. In the earliest one I can remember, my mom took me in to this big ominous building, and we met… I’m not sure what to call her. A witch? She had a kind of throne. She was terrifying. I held my mom’s hand so tight and tried to hide behind her back, but she told me it was okay, and pushed me forward. The witch held out two pairs of shoes: little pink ballet-slipper type shoes, and some rugged brown sandals. She told me she was going to make me wear one pair for the rest of my life, but I had to choose which. I couldn’t. I cried and begged my mom to take me away, but she just kept telling me it was okay, and to just choose. I was just sobbing uncontrollably, and the witch was losing patience, and said she would just choose for me if I didn’t hurry up. I pulled away from my mom and ran down the hall. I opened a door, and as I did, my eyes opened and I was awake, just for a second. I closed my eyes again, closed the door and ran back to my mom. I was crying tears of joy now, and I told my mom that we were just in a dream, and it didn’t really matter. I think I just chose one pair arbitrarily and we left.
I don’t know. The metaphors seem pretty obvious.
Happy wouldn’t feel anywhere near this amazing without the most awful couple of months leading up to it.
Looking at my name on that picture makes me cringe. Please somebody find me a new name. I can’t find one. I’ve been looking for awhile.
Drinking cider & black, listening to Talking Heads and the cutest bunny snores ever. Haven’t felt down in like 48 hours (Crying during a Grey’s Anatomy season finale does not count). Making decisions about my life (never more than 2 months in advance), and looking into understanding myself better. Dancing in my chair. Considering telling some friends I’m back in town.
why am I trying why am I trying why am I trying why am I trying
I don’t know if I was spacing out and staring at nothing, or if I just can’t remember what I was doing. But an hour is gone. And I can’t really move.
- Nephew (to me): How do you think the world was created? Do you believe in THE BIG BANG? MONKEYS? (waves hands around)
- Mom: I don't think anybody REALLY believes that.
- Me: ... let's play cards.
Going for slurpees and playing Dutch Blitz with my nephew.
Kind of just want someone to cuddle up on the couch and watch Grey’s Anatomy with.
SO MANY STUPID GRINS. ALLL DAYYYYYY.
Also, it’s almost 8pm and I am still in bed.
Not much is better.
Haaaaa I keep rolling all over mine. I’m going to get up and they are going to fall off my back. ALSO. Never waking up. My family is trying to get me to come eat pancakes and I’m not even having it.
I can’t think of a better thing to do with a Friday night.
My dad and I just drilled new holes into our belts. Most productive day all week?
Ahhhhhh I just remembered I had a dream last night that MY EYE FELL OUT. And everything behind it. I could touch my brain. Went to the doctor’s, but they were just closing. I held my eye/whatever out to them and said “can you just help me really quick? My eye fell out.”
I love my dreams. Oh man.
Ha. Not even denying it. <3