But I thought it was worth mentioning that I had a wonderful night and talked to wonderful people. So, silver living. :)
My very favorite option is to just point at me, or overuse my name. “So LD said this and then LD went…” I don’t really get offended by any pronouns, but when I talk about myself, avoidance is my go-to.
If I want a proper burial for my favorite life for almost five years? A group of people telling happy stories about how my bunny Boo was the best bunny that anyone I know has come across? I want it. He was worth it.
How is one life worth more than another? I loved the shit out of this bunny. Just a day ago, when he was alive and healthy, I could burst into tears about how much loved him. I wish I’d held him more these past few days.
I might be serious and existential enough to answer this “question” right now.
I really don’t swim much, or venture into any oceans, but just knowing a big body of water is near me makes me feels so free. It probably has a lot to with the fact that the ocean makes up more of our world than we do. It’s just so mysterious and large and humbling. It makes me put everything into perspective when I can see it, be near it, appreciate it’s vastness and incomprehensibility. It is the most real thing I can think of.
INTERNET! MAKE MY DECISIONS FOR ME!
Fancy-ish shirt and tie, or T-shirt that says “Bike to Work”?
Nothing compares to how I feel next to water.
I really want to read a book, but I’m trying to catch up on Breaking Bad. I just don’t want to sit here and stare at a screen any longer, but I CAN’T MAKE MYSELF STOP. Also, I’m hungry, but I feel like I ate way too much junk today.
Did you even know that my life is THE hardest thing?
Oh gosh, anon. I’m surely not as good as all that, but it sure feels wonderful that anyone sees me this way. Thanks for making me feel so loved.
But hey! Talk to me some day! I’m probably more nervous than you (though I’m getting better at hiding it). xx
I love new deodorant smells. I always get a new kind because I like to keep surprising myself like “Oh MAN, what is that awesome smell?? Oh, it’s me.” (Then: cool guy face)
Ok. okokok. This is actually a lot harder than I expected it to be.
Blue- 9 facts about my family: My sisters and I always used to wear matching dresses for family pictures. My dad is almost as shy as I am. My mom tells her life story to everyone she meets. I don’t think we’ve had any less than 3 or 4 pets for as long as I can remember. We all have the same ridiculous sense of humor. OH GOD THIS IS HARD. YOU GET FIVE.
Yellow- 7 facts about my childhood: I wore solely dresses well into elementary school. I named my cat Bunsin. My favorite color was yellow. I used to talk to my sister through the vent that connected our rooms. I got a perm when I was tiny and I looked like Annie. I cried when people laughed at me or called me cute. I asked for math books for Christmas.
Red- 5 facts about my bestfriend(s): (Based on two best friends who, coincidentally, I would refer to as “they”) They tend to get what I say even if I think it makes no sense. They are interested in my words. They don’t point out my downfalls because they are right there with me. They don’t just accept things as they are, they want better. Their smiles make me feel like everything is okay and always will be.
White- 3 facts about my personality: This is difficult for me. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM WHAT. Uhm. I think that I almost always appear calm and cheerful when I am out in the world, no matter how I feel inside. I’m really sarcastic. I think I’m pretty understanding, and I don’t get mad at people very easily (this sometimes makes people think I’m not on their side because I “excuse” other people’s behaviour. I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE BEING MAD EVER. FIX EVERYTHING NOW. EVERYONE IS WONDERFUL.)
Purple: 10 facts about my room.
Blue: 9 facts about my family.
Green: 8 facts about my body
Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood
Orange: 6 facts about my home town.
Red: 5 facts about my bestfriend(s).
Pink: 4 facts about my parents.
White: 3 facts about my personality.
Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things
Black: 1 fact about the person I like
I don’t think I’ve ever done one of these, but LOOK AT ME. I’M DOING IT. WEEOO.
Someone is trying to kill me, make them have sex with me instead.
Also eat lots of pizza while flying.
Depression/anxiety/living. Weeoo. Why is this a sorry?
Since my meds got upped, I’ve been SO SO TIRED. And my appetite is pretty non-existant again. Wonderful.
I guess sleeping all day because I’m tired, and not eating because I don’t feel hungry is better than sleeping all day because I’m hopeless and not eating because I can’t move / don’t care.
I’ve been pretty damn happy lately, at least. BLAH. COFFEE PLS.
The best mornings are when you wake up and realize you don’t have to wake up yet, realize you are the most comfortable you could possibly be, and it is beautiful. You remember the silly things you said the night before and the wonderful people you fell in love with almost instantly.
I just want to live in moments like these.
I experienced no self-pity.
I was just caught up in a
life in which
I could ﬁnd no
meaning.” —Charles Bukowski
I wish I could package some of this happy for use at a later date.
Or to share with those in need.
I mean, THIS IS LOVELY, but this is like 10x the required happy.
I just go on and on about so many stories, so many (seemingly) meaningless moments. One of my biggest regrets is that I wrote a 100% paper in university about my dad and everything he’s done for my family… It was the most real thing I’ve ever written, and I never got it back.
I mourn over it like it was my only chance to express how much I love him. But that can’t be true. I have everything that I had then, and more. I have more time. I hope I have enough time.
I fucking love you. Sorry if you don’t like it when I swear. It gets the point across better.
Decide I need some makeout times, go to the only gay bar in the city. End up kissing two (very) straight girls and one gay guy that sadly said, “I wish you were a boy”.
THANKS, UNIVERSE. AT LEAST YOU’RE TRYING.
Just got back in from playing a few rounds of tetherball with my Pa.
OH GOD IT IS A LOT MORE WORK THAN IT WAS IN GRADE SIX.
Just as fun, though. Come play with me. You can sleep on my couch if your journey is far.
Doing little bits of yard work every day. Soon it will be lovely and there will be a fire pit, picnic table, trampoline, tetherball pole… Hula hooping and Bocce. Please can everyone just live closer and come have the best times?
Also bought a blender and all the stuffs for Pina Coladas and Daiquiris and Margaritas.
I’m making myself swoon. I like summer.
Been super annoyingly energetic and impatient for the past few days. Tapping my foot, rocking back and forth, dancing or pacing almost constantly. Just finished a movie and felt the need to go do all the dishes and clean a bathroom. The notion that I might be bipolar is getting more obvious. Anybody know more about this / want to talk? My doctor is MIA until september.